06/15/2007 by mysteryofiniquity
As if I need another reason, here’s why it’s wise to keep your kids at home. I don’t care how many times pastoral leaders attempt to lessen the impact by using the old saw “Don’t blame all churches for the actions of a few,” there’s no excuse for this. The only way to stop it is to keep our children out of their hands.
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The world is fallen, it sucks, I certainly won’t argue. But what about the hundreds of thousands who have found emotional and psychological healing from free counseling services that churches provide? My own church has 3 (one licensed, 2 interns) counselors on staff, one of which was sexually abused herself and specializes in it.
Some statistics from RAINN.org:
* Every two and a half minutes, somewhere in America, someone is sexually assaulted.
* One in six American women are victims of sexual assault, and one in 33 men.
* In 2004-2005, there were an average annual 200,780 victims of rape, attempted rape or sexual assault.
* About 44% of rape victims are under age 18, and 80% are under age 30.
* Since 1993, rape/sexual assault has fallen by over 69%.
With statistics like that, churches seem to be doing a TON of good… in spite of their faults.
Brad,
Sure they do. All I’m saying is the only way to stop child abuse by church members is to keep your kids away from church. You can’t deny that will stop it. Some of us aren’t willing to take the chance of “some” good seeping through at the risk of damage to our children. It’s just not worth it.
Hrmmm… Again, I understand your concern. But considering the prevalence of abuse cases in schools, boy scouts, after school day care, and families (which make up the largest group), are we to pull our kids out of them as well?
My point is this: Anywhere where there is a placement of trust, there is a propensity and opportunity for hurt. That is relationship at it’s core. If we withdrew ourselves and our children from all things that could cause harm because it’s just not worth it (a legitimate concern), what would we have left?
And still, I would argue that while abuse from church staff and clergy is horribly tragic (believe me, we are on the same page there), it makes up only about .3% of sexual assault cases against minors per year (according to RAINN.org).
There are FAR greater threats to protect our children from.
Brad,
Obviously we can’t pull them out of public school since, unless you’re homeschooling, would be illegal. Besides, I’m not comparing apples to oranges here. I’m dealing with church which is entirely voluntary.
But yes, I think we can be very wary of the voluntary places we put our children. I’m afraid I don’t believe the low number of .3%. That may be the reported and/or prosecuted cases, but there is still much that flies under the radar because of fear. I know many, many families affected by this and frankly one is too many in my book.
If they don’t go then there’s no abuse at church. Simple.
Unfortunately, when there is sexual abuse within the church it is often hidden from the outside world and legal authorities. Especially within the context of churches that believe they must handle all their “issues” inside the church. These churches encourage problem solving within their own ranks…which is sad because ultimately, no problem solving is accomplished. All that is done is the dust is swept under the carpet, out of sight, out of mind…and the people continue on with their heads in the sand and the wounded walk around barely alive wondering what hit them.
Take an example from my own experience.
Me to senior pastor: Did he (the youth pastor) rape her? (teenage church girl)
Senior Pastor: No.
Me: Why are you making it sound like he rapaed her?
S.P.: Because he abused her?
Me: Did he sexually abuse her?
S.P.: Yes.
Me: What did he do?
S.P.: He sexually abused her?
Me: What did he do? Did he have sex with her?
S.P.: No.
Me: What did he do?
S.P.: He touched her breast.
Me: Have you told the police.
S.P.: No.
Me: Why not?
S.P.: We believe we should handle these affairs ourselves. We believe it is scriptural to do so.
Me: If this is sexual assault and or abuse you must call the police.
S.P.: If we do that, it could cause more harm for both of them and their families.
Next appointment.
Me: I am not comfortable with how this is being handled.
S.P.: Please Agnostic, we need to forget about this, we need to move on. I believe God will vindicate us.
Me: You are sticking your heads in the sand. You are not learning from this. Who is providing help for both these people and their families? I fear this will happen again.
S.P.: Just continue on with your work here, trust we are handling things, blah blah blah … and that’s enough of the story for now.
Some churches, their leadership, their membership, will lie. They will lie in order to protect the church and it’s reputation.
Cases of sexual abuse are hidden just as much within faith communities as they are in families and society in general…probably even more so.
They believe as God’s people; delicate and criminal issues can be dealt with by themselves.
They’ll quote you 1 Cor. 6:1 (lawsuits are discouraged) totally ignoring 1 Cor. 5:11 (don’t associate with an immoral brother (fellow believer.)
Merry-go-round.
Agnostic,
AMEN to that. I’ve had similar experiences with pastors and church members who blame victims, support the abuser over the abused, discourage members from leaving abusive spouses (how would that LOOK after all?), advise teenage girls that they were probably asking for the abuse from their fathers/step-fathers because after the age of 16 they are women and know what they are doing, don’t you know, I could go on and on but will keep it short. This kind of behavior is NOT normal no matter how much you clothe it in church garb and I will counsel anyone who asks to do the same and LEAVE the church behind. The payoff is NOT worth it.
It’s sad this kind of stuff happens in the church, thats to show that the world is sneaking into the church. I would still rather leave my kid at a vacation bible school at a local church than at a daycare of people I don’t even know.
If your thought about not taking your kid to church because you have no idea who is his teacher or teaching his class, then go to church with him and pick a small church to go to so that you will know everybody there. I still trust people at my church more than most other places out side of my home.
Mark,
That’s the difference between you and me. I don’t trust either of them.