It’s been a while since I revealed ye olde God-o-Meter. As of this evening the meter reads about a 2. I’ve been vacillating between belief and unbelief in the weirdest moods swings lately. At the risk of incurring the wrath of feminists for being a biological essentialist, I have to admit that now that my uterus is gone the mood swings have definitely calmed down considerably! I’m sorry, but everyone, men included, are creatures of their hormones. For me personally, I could follow my swings toward and away from religion by charting the cycle of the moon. The ebb and flow of faith was almost like clockwork. So now, my moods have diminished, but they are still there. I crave religion like a drug, imbibe a few times, and I am then satiated, temporarily. Then I watch documentaries such as Deliver Us From Evil or I read the latest issue of my Freedom From Religion subscription to Freethought Today and I am furious all over again at the dichotomy between what people say about faith and how they act. The pages and pages of pastors convicted of various crimes is enough on its own to turn anyone away from Christianity. I mean, really, what do Christians expect people to do? Should we just ignore hypocrite after hypocrite? Sure, say all you want that it’s the individual not the religion that is to blame for all that is done in the name of religion, but what is religion without the individuals who profess it? Theory only, really.
Hopefully, the mood swings will continue to diminish and even out. I can tell they are already. I spend less and less time obsessing, less and less time worrying about what others say or think, and less and less time feeling “fuzzy.” I stopped taking Lipitor after my yearly exam after the doctors gave me a thumbs up for heart health. Since eliminating that drug, my thinking has cleared considerably. I got to stop taking blood thinners as well and that’s made all the difference. We are all at the mercy of our bodies and our brain processes. That is what’s real in the end. Spirituality cannot touch the material in this context. Physicality is what we have and is all that we have. Taking care of my physical well being should be and will be my primary focus from now on.