Hiding Women’s Sexual Pleasure And Various Devices

Some people seeing the title of this blog are cringing right now. “oh God, oh God, she’s going to make me think about female body parts and sex. EWWWWWWW!”

Am I the only one who’s never heard of this??? Seriously, why was this not big news at the time? Scrolling through the message boards on the topic of “hysterectomy and sexuality” and it’s incumbent problems this morning, I found this and this. I was stunned. Really. I am by no means ignorant of these things, but even I couldn’t believe I’d never heard of it. With all the hype and hoopla over solving men’s erection problems with Viagra, Cialis, and every other drug shoved down our throats on television (pun intended), NOTHING is said in the news or on TV about curing women of sexual dysfunction using physical means. We don’t even have a pill for Goddess’ sake (or maybe I don’t know about that either). It IS after all only in our heads. Yet, here is a device, acknowledged by the medical industry and approved by the FDA in 2000!!! What, you mean you didn’t ever hear about it? I know I haven’t ever heard about it. What, you mean insurance doesn’t even acknowledge it exists???? Probably not. Well, imagine that!

We’ve all known for some time now that men’s sexual function is FAR more important to the world than women’s sexual function, but the existence of this device, approved by the government years ago no less, is ultimate proof that the less women know about their own sexual health and happiness, the happier some men will be. Patriarchally motivated men and women want women to associate ALL of their sexual pleasure with men and men are harmed by this just as much as women are. After all, women’s sexuality is exclusively for men’s consumption and manipulation AND only for the sole purpose of reproduction. So in spite of patriarchy’s droning on and on about the dignity of humans, they are merely reducing men and women to biological function once again. We are breeders used to fill up church membership or to shore up the capitalist machine. Pleasure is not an issue for them. Or maybe it’s the only issue they fear.

My view is that we are all individuals first. We are not born with our “parts” called for like an auction or “saved” for a future spouse (assumes and privileges marriage). Our “parts” if you will are what constitutes our very selves and as such are no one’s property or business, unless we choose them to be. This concept of “you are not your own” is the worst consequence of the soul/body duality perpetuated by religions and patriarchal cultures devoted to land and body ownership model (i.e. women, children, cattle, property). Unfortunately, the medical industry is also complicit in this. Men are all fired up to “reclaim” their own penises, but are not willing to extend the same privilege to women. Oh, no!

If men spent even HALF of their time helping or encouraging women to become sexually aware, healthy, and happy as they do focused on their own penises and trans-continental cock-fighting, perhaps this world would be a much more peaceful place to live in. In the meantime, it’s up to women to provide for our own sexual health, education, and practice. And I mean to practice a lot! Since my reproductive parts are no longer there, I am useless to the patriarchy and an embarrassment to good church-going folks. You see, after many years of worry and fretting over how to please a man, I can honestly say that “I AM my own” and I have nothing to lose by exploring my sexuality to the fullest. In fact, I have only well-being to gain (and a special place in hell according to some Christians). Ahh. Life is good, isn’t it?

And if you think we’ve all “moved beyond” this, think again.


14 thoughts on “Hiding Women’s Sexual Pleasure And Various Devices

  1. Hello MOI,
    Long time no speak.
    It is interesting that I come back to your site now and find this article. Here is why: My wife and I have adopted a Polyamorous lifestyle. Well, actually just my wife who is polyamorous. I choose to remain monogamous. That is just me. I had been wanting her to be a more sexual person for years. She has never been confident in her sexuality or with it. She has not really been totally confident in herself or really loving who she was for years. Our love life was suffering because of it.
    She began to get close to someone while doing ballroom dancing and I decided to allow her the freedom to explore her feelings with him and I would still be here for her. She is in love and making love now with this guy, and I think it is great. I really do.
    She has fallen back in love with me as well. She has really discovered her sexuality and I benefit from that as well. She loves us both. I love her and I trust her and the fact that she has more love and more sex in her life now makes her happy and makes me happy.
    Women are just as sexual as men. I think they have simply suppressed it for years because of good girl syndrome, religious and societal pressures.
    My wife is not cheating on me. She has my full blessing and understanding and we are totally upfront and honest with each other. When you hear about affairs, don’t you usually hear someone say; it isn’t about the sex, it is about the lying and cheating. I think more sex would be good for all of us. We would not be so condescending to others, or have time to hate others, if we were all making love.
    Life is good.

    PS. I am so over religion and metaphysical ideals which nobody has facts to prove, that I don’t even think about that stuff anymore.

  2. Hey Nooga!

    Well knock me over with a feather! I can’t say I’m shocked because everyone has “secrets” so to speak. My husband and I too went through an “open marriage” exploratory kind of stage in the 80s when the kids were young. We went through it in theory, as in discussing it, but it didn’t play out in practice. You are right though, that women are just as sexual as men (but are punished more in practice) and I think that keeping that fact behind closed doors and repressed is a big mistake for society as a whole. Taking the mystery out of anything is more healthy, I think.

    There will always be people that don’t understand this and are afraid of the lifestyle you are talking about, but believe me, I understand it. My husband and I have always had an open attitude about sex and feel that we do marriages a huge disservice by having puritanical and proprietary ideas about it. I wholeheartedly believe that marriages can withstand anything if all are honest and not lying about their true feelings.

    I am glad you are happy and like you, I hope to come closer to that point where I no longer think about religion and metaphysical ideas. We are all physical beings after all, with no evidence to the contrary. We might as well enjoy it while we can. 🙂

  3. Yes, it is a brave new world for us.

    Questions for us all to answer.

    If my partners’ happiness is important to me, why should I get upset if others can make them happy? What is more important, my partners’ happiness or who gets the credit?

    If I find my partner attractive, sexy, and lovely and desirable, why should I feel surprised and threatened when someone else does? In fact, should it not give us something more in common – a shared interest? (In the same way that we like the teachers who like our children.)

    If monogamy is so natural and hardwired, why is there such a large relationship industry – the “How to make it right” of magazines, books, TV shows, marriage guidance, etc.?


    Being Polyamorous is not for everyone as you would guess MOI. In fact it is not for me even. I want to, and in fact I choose to, remain sexual only with my wife. I look at her freedom as a gift from me. She is totally free, as free as she want to be. Isn’t true love supposed to be free from controls and ownership? How can you really own another person anyway, simple, you can’t. Jealousy is simply a form of control, isn’t it? Jealousy is a creation within your own mind. I am no longer jealous. Seriously, I am not. Oh I am human and have my fears, but I know she loves me, I love her, and I am actually enjoying her sexual freedom. It has seriously made things better between us. I have gotten rid of any of those ideals of Mr. or Mrs. Right. There is no such thing as a perfect match, we all have our good points and our bad points and other people can bring different things into out lives, even more love. She gets things from this guy that I can’t give her, and likewise she has things from me that he cannot provide. I did not get here over night either, but it is a better place to be than where we were. It is so nice to love and trust someone so completely and so totally that you can talk completely honest to each other. Even about your sexual desires. It is really refreshing. Everyone should try this. We could all stop searching for Mr. or Mrs right and simply love more people and get more love ourselves.
    I am not a dreamer, I am a very practical person. Maybe that is why I came to accept this so readily. Marriages and families could actually be held together better by this type of lifestyle. She doesn’t have to think about leaving me to find what she needs. She can have her cake and eat it too, because she simply has two cakes now. Cool huh? I think it is. I will keep you updated from time to time.

  4. Hi Nooga,

    Does your wife still consider herself a born-again Christian? If so, how does her new lifestyle jive with her beliefs?

  5. Well Zoe,
    The ironies in this situation are remarkable.
    She was upset with me over my agnosticism, yet this guy is an athiest. She would still claim to be a born again Christian I am sure, but the truth is she simply doesn’t talk about it, or even think about it, or church or anyting religious anymore. She sleeps late on Sunday mornings right alongside me. She also is aware, (because we have discussed it), that we would not be where we are if I had not become much more enlightened, and left my fundamentalist roots. I think she is much farther down the road to agnosticim that she would care to admit, party because of the fear of her family.

    When we began to discuss this, I told her this: “Look those bastards in the Old Testament had many wives, many concubines, and were even allowed to have sex with the slave girls if they wanted too, and if God was responsible for that book, then he never had a problem with that. I think it is time that women started having some of that freedom and fun themselves.” – So she took the opportunity and has not looked back. I am not asking any more religious questions if she doesn’t.

  6. Nooga,

    I know that for many of us, Christianity and religions are just ways of coping with our own repressed desires and our fears. It’s fearful for us to be who we are and be publicly who we are at that. We think we are the only ones who feel this way or have wanted these things, but in reality we are not.

    I know that once my husband and I dispensed with the roles the church wanted us to play (him the breadwinner and “head” and me the submissive wife and “helpmeet”) then our marriage took a huge turn for the better. We lost the expectations that were foisted upon us and actually got to know each other as real human beings with desires and all that entailed.

    I’m extremely happy for you both!

  7. Oh, and I forgot the final Irony.
    I am the agnostic/athiest here, and I am the monogomous one in our relationship. Hmmmm, kida goes against the heaten anti-moral view of those like me doesn’t it. However, there simply isn’t any moral issue her. She love me as much as the day she married me. She love him too. He has helped me with my dance steps and he has been to our house for dinner. My kids know him, (not the relationship yet), and my daughter loves to ballroom dance with him. He is like part of the family. We are not swingers.

    Anyway, I am a happy man. Some would probably not understand that, but I am. Once I dealt with the jealousy, which I recocnized as simply my own desire to control her, and got rid of that, I actully am happy and happy for my wife. I believe this to be true love. Happiness does not just happen, you decide what makes you happy and then get to that position, (somtimes that may be in leaving someone). This situation makes me happy. I keep the love of my life, we keep our family, we dance, we love, her sex drive is greater than has ever been and it has helped her confidence as a woman and we are having a hell of a lot of fun.

    Now that does not mean that I will love her no matter what she does of course. There still has to be trust and open honest communication. If she cheats and lies and hides things from me, then that is no different from any other relationship. That is what kills relationships. However we are communicating like we have never done in our lives. We have never talked like this. Hell, I actually look forward to laying down just before going to sleep and talking for 20 to 30 minutes about life and love and what the plans are for the week, or how much fun we had last night.

    Anything in life has challenges, but so far this path for us has made us better lovers and simply better people. The drudgery of married life which a couple of almost 18 years can experience is gone, that is for damn sure.

  8. Hello Bill,
    Yes thanks, we are doing good. This is the first blog I have been on in months. Been too busy.

  9. Fascinating Nooga. I wondered how she’d reconcile all this with her beliefs. It does appear that they’ve changed big time.

  10. “”If men spent even HALF of their time helping or encouraging women to become sexually aware, healthy, and happy as they do focused on their own penises and trans-continental cock-fighting, perhaps this world would be a much more peaceful place to live in. In the meantime, it’s up to women to provide for our own sexual health, education, and practice. And I mean to practice a lot!””….MOI

    That is my favorite part of this blog, MOI. So true, so true, and I for one am doing my part for my wife to really enjoy her sexuality. We are both the happier for it. MOI, I hope you do get lots and lots of practice.

    “A study has shown that dark chocolate and plenty of sex helps to boost your brain activity…..Hmmmm, then my goal is to have my brain humming along like a super computer by the end of the year! I love chocolate.”

    “You know something, if we would all just stop searching for the meaning of life and looking so hard to find happiness, we all might have a lot more fun and actually enjoy life for a change. Then guess what, you’ve just found the meaning of life.”

    “The truth shall set you free ……….. but at first it will just piss you off. “

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