The Naked Soul has a most excellent post about love and possessiveness that is a very old “new” lesson, but one that needs to be learned over and over again, especially in today’s world where people feel they have a right to just about everything. I find it sad that the most possessive of people may use coercive forms which may include violence to keep from losing what they fear. However, this fear is not love, but a desperate need to fill some void in our lives or to keep somehow what we think the other brings to us; something that perhaps we wish we had but that we don’t find in ourselves. Tobeme writes:
This attachment that we form feels like love, however it is not love in the purest sense. The other person becomes a possession, a possession which we begin to fear losing. In our fear of possible loss we become insecure about our relationship. When we become insecure our thoughts and behavior change and often as reaction to our fear of loss we begin to tighten our grip and seek more control over the other person. We become suspicious of the behavior of the other person, we worry about them straying when we are not around, we may even sabotage other relationships that they have with long time friends and even family in the name of “love” which really is in the name of attachment and our fear of loss.
Who hasn’t felt this at one time or another? I think as we grow older and hopefully wiser, we can learn to express our feelings for others in ways that give the utmost freedom to them and to ourselves. The rest of the post is well worth reading and re-reading.