Shabby is My New Word

It’s incredibly hard to find out you are such a disappointment to so many people. Work entails hearing from person after person about what you got wrong in the bulletin and what you failed to put in. Co-workers hang up while you are still talking or cut you off in mid-sentence. There is no office for me. I can be interrupted at anyone’s whim and expected to fix everyone’s mistakes, computers, sermons, or hear the latest sagas about their problems while the whole while you are a mess. It’s finding out that everyone your fiance knows just tolerates you or downright hates you for daring to intrude. It’s finding out that one of them tried to call your boss and get your fired. It’s hearing later how shabby you’ve acted by intruding on a close friendship. It’s hard to know you’ve failed at a 30 year marriage or that you’ve been told that your son is gay because you are an overbearing mother and your husband was a passive father. It’s hard to keep it together when it’s all so relentless and comes from all sides. Sometimes you barely have time to think or answer or do the right things.ย  It’s hard to be screamed at by your sister for daring to have a different opinion or told what’s good for you about religion and politics, especially when no one really cares what you think anyway.ย  it makes you wonder where you took the wrong turn or what small trifling thing started you down the path of most resistance. All the while you know there’s someone gloating and firmly believing in “what goes around, comes around.” She couldn’t be more right.

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11 thoughts on “Shabby is My New Word

  1. Did something happen? This sounds like a big list of things over the years. (start gangster voice) You need me to. . you know. . make problem disappear? (end gangster voice)

    • Hey Bryan, LOL Love the offer of help, but things are a bit hectic here. Some over the years, some recent. But, psssst, it’d be great if you could make problem….er…disappear!

  2. Well “poo” on all of them!

    Oh my gosh, did you see that, Zoe said “poo.”

    All I can say is, thank you for being a good cyber friend for responding to my email during what has been a very difficult (understatement) time for me. And as I see here in this post, a troubling time for you.

    It’s a challenge to “be” who we are when people who think they know better than us keep trying to alter our “being.”

    Those who proclaim that your are “shabby” should practice the compassion you have shown me over the years. Seems they are lacking in compassion. But, apparently they are perfect. ๐Ÿ™„

    • Hey Zoe, thanks for this. It’s always something isn’t it? It’s better today, but you know how, all of a sudden, you just fall to pieces because of the pressure to please everyone or answer to everyone? One of those times. Thanks for being a true cyber friend. Some day I hope we shall meet up!!!

  3. Well crap! What an awful list. That ticks me off!

    When I married my hubby and eventually moved to his home town, meeting his mom for the first time, she proceeded to compare me to not only his ex wife, but the ex girlfriend she thinks he should have married.

    Fun times.

    And I say “fuck ’em.”

    Yes, I said fuck. ๐Ÿ˜€

  4. Oh, wow. I’m sorry you’ve felt so under fire. Does it help to hear that no one can be guilty of the whole list you posted here?!!?

    Also, if your son is gay 1) it’s not a bad thing and 2) it’s extremely unlikely that your personality caused him to be gay. Anyone saying otherwise should just STFU.

    I hope you’re feeling less besieged by now. You deserve far better!

    • Why thank you. I appreciate that very much. Yes, I know deep down that it’s not that simplistic but some of my family are still in the wee Dark Ages. My son has been a joy to me and continues to be so, as well as my ultra feminist daughter and my military son. Wow. What a combo! :-D. Thanks for the encouraging words.

  5. The hurtful or dumb things people can say, and how we’re feeling when they say them, can make a pernicious cocktail. When we’re feeling “under fire”, we’re more vulnerable to colatteral damage.

    The lesson for me is always try to remember that I don’t know how the person I’m talking to may be feeling. To forget that is indeed shabby in a friend.

    Bon voyage emotionally speaking. I’ll be joining the ship shortly.

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