Wake Up Call to Christians

I can’t stress enough the importance of reading this article at Exploring Our Matrix. He outlines what is wrong with the religious “right” in far more generous terms than you’ll find from the left. Civility is called for and his voice is it. A foretaste:

What is wrong with being on the right? There are voices in our time that seem to be leaning further and further in that direction, even though they would claim to abhor what Hitler did. Yet all it takes for history to repeat itself is a nation leaning in that direction, a leader willing to use the language of Christianity and conservativism to manipulate the populace and exploit their faith and enthusiasm, and a failure to care when those we disagree with are persecuted and punished. The spirit of the far right is absolutely antithetical to the heritage and foundations of American democracy. And it is precisely that democracy that protects Christianity as well as all other religions to present their case, to make their appeal, to urge any and all who will listen to follow their lead and adhere to their values and convictions – whether they are about abortion, social justice, or the editing of Veggie Tales on NBC.

It is only a faith that is insecure that wants to force itself on others through legislation, because of a lack of trust in the persuasive power of the message itself. It is only the faith of the proud that claims absolute certainty, as opposed to humility and absolute trust in God as the only one who truly knows with certainty.

The Sin of Weight and the Weight of Sin

I believe that I have finally come to terms with my weight. Why now you ask? Because I no longer listen to what others proscribe when it comes to the size and disposition of my body; A) because, like politics, social engineering has gone way overboard in their intrusiveness into the private lives of the average person and B) because it’s nobody’s business how and what I eat, what size clothes I wear, or how often I exercise or even if I don’t.  Curiously, today I was thinking that the weight loss industry was pretty similar to what I like to call the “sin loss industry;” in other words, religion. Social engineers and the religious tell you that you are not acceptable as you are and each offers a way to “fix” you, but only if you are motivated enough! Each thrives on the guilt of the person marketed to. Each has a thriving book, DVD, food supplement, and CD industry committed to selling you the next best thing to keep you motivated. And each convinces you that you are the failure if the next best thing fails to work. They create the problem and then offer the cure.

Two blogs made me come to terms with how closely Weight and Sin are allied in the world; Corpulent’s post and Angry Gray Rainbow’s post.  Corpulent makes the point that even in the Fatosphere, we must prove that we are doing the right things and eating the right things in order to explain our fatness.  Angry Gray Rainbow reveals to us how her husband’s battle with a particular “sin” in his life transferred to her life and drew her in by implication. Reading these made me realize how closely people equate Weight with Sin and how both worlds try to impose standards of confession, repentance, and behavior modification so as to make them feel better about the imposition on our lives but to also make us feel worse when we can’t meet the standard. The emphasis is of course on feeling worse, without which feeling we would not sink our hard earned money into more remedies, more diets, more books, bibles, philanthropic giving, etc. to assuage the guilt. Both are about making us as small as possible to escape the notice of our fellow humans and a retributive God.

How many people do you know recount every bite of food they had to eat that day as if you are the priest and they are sitting in a confessional? Quite often, I’d guess. I’ve even done it myself, not only to others, but ad nauseum in my journals. I still do it as a matter of fact. Not because I care what I eat, but because it’s a habit that I can’t now break, even though it does not one bit of good. The diet industry has trained all its minions to constantly count calories and keep food journals because they tell us it will make us more mindful of what we eat. What it seems to do more often than not is create many more obsessive compulsive behaviors; bulimia, anorexia, OCD, etc.. Likewise, religions, especially Christianity, tell us that we must confess and repent of our sins daily. Recount, recount, recount and then we are to take steps to stop our behavior. All of course this does is to focus our attentions on all that we do “wrong” and not on all that we’ve done right. Rather than allow us to make these decisions ourselves, we must predict dire consequences for those who stray outside the bounds of the proscribed rules.

The emphasis is so much on failure that the obsession to find a fix takes over in harmful ways. The insidious part of this is that we are also blamed mightily for having failed to keep to the rigorous structure of our obsession with recounting. In the diet/entertainment industry, you must be weighed all the time, your measurements recorded and a goal posted for all to see.  This is a shaming technique similar to public confession of sin during church, recounting sins in a confessional, or any amount of “accountability” which is supposed to keep one on the straight and narrow. When one slips up, it’s always, always because you weren’t motivated enough, didn’t stick to the diet, didn’t pray, didn’t believe in this or that ideology, didn’t do this or do that. In other words, the onus of failure is always on the person attempting to modify their behavior, never on the method for procuring it. Your public excoriation and humiliation is supposed to cure you of course. The method itself is suspect in my opinion.

When I shifted the constant and unwarranted blame from myself and began to focus on the obvious faults of the method used to “cure” me, I could better focus on living each day to its fullest. In Christianity, I no longer blamed myself for not having enough time for devotions, for not reading the bible enough, or not praying, especially if I got no response and God failed to show up for these encounters. I just quit seeing everything I did or didn’t do as the heinous sin I was told it was.  Some see this as giving license to sin, but one has to question a method that fails again and again to effect change in most people. One would wonder that perhaps it’s the method that doesn’t work. No sooner did I give up this self maligning tactic, than I found it easier to just focus on living life, not merely avoiding sin. Avoidance only makes the thing avoided take on monumental importance, almost to the degree that you can’t avoid it even if you wanted to! It’s almost sure to happen!

Similarly, when I finally figured out that it wasn’t me who failed to recount every single food item I ate, failed to weigh myself daily, or failed to follow this or that exercise regime, it was the unrealistic expectations of an industry designed to make money off of my failures. Writing down every single food item made me realize how much I penalized myself in the pursuit of thinness. I therefore stopped blaming myself for failing to fit into the mold outlined for me. What a bunch of hooey that is too. Woman A can follow all the guidelines and expect perhaps to lose X amount of weight while Woman B down the street does exactly the same thing and gains weight.  Conclusion? We are not exactly alike.  I firmly believe that despite the nonsense of it on principle, BMI’s are adjusted downward arbitrarily every year by a panel of folks supported by the Diet Industry. Yet the Diet Industry and the Sin Industry treat us all as if we were cookie cutouts of each other (except for the gurus of course, who can live as they please off the largess of their minions). They rely on our wishing to fit in and pay any amount to do so.

I also learned to quit “feeding” the industry machine. I wasn’t going to be a better Christian if I bought one more re-issue of a study bible. I would not become a better Christian if I followed assiduously every morning, this or that bible study written by the latest christian guru,  prayed for two hours on my knees, or spent every Saturday afternoon in confession. I also would not make my fat acceptable to others if I constantly told people what I put into my mouth every day or shared with them how many calories I ate or didn’t. I was not going to be more loved and live life more fully just because I bought clothes off the same rack as a skinnier girl down the street. I have a lot of other things going for me than what size pair of pants I wear. The incessant noise of this over-sharing even invades the work place where everyone I know is on some kind of diet and feels the need to confess  it on a daily basis so that others know they are on the straight and narrow path. They are like evangelists trying to save your soul. If only everyone was on a diet, they would feel so much better about themselves.

Likewise, a public figure’s battles with “sin” merely confirm to me that we are all human beings who fail. I have much sympathy for them, not scorn. Those who fall hardest are often those who rail against sin the loudest and that’s unfortunate. They are the ones most in need of learning to live their own lives and taking their own responsibility for mistakes. Anyone who claims an “ism” and sets out the rules for following such “isms” are often just as guilty of setting up failure. The only ones getting any joy out of this blaming scenarios are those who point fingers and say, “See? See? I told you he/she was just sinful to the core!” It’s all about making ourselves feel superior isn’t it?

Feel superior if you must, but I know my failings. I know my responsibilities. I know what size is good for me. Rather than the constant monologue of failure, I’m learning to replace it with a common sense of kinship with every other human being who “sins” daily and begins the cycle of hating myself, repenting, sin again, and hating myself. Someone has to jump off that wheel. I’m glad to see more people doing it.

Why Do We Let Them Do It?

Shakesville (and thank goddess she’s back up posting) has an excellent “shake”down of advertisers and the stereotypes that drive them to create and promote inane commercials. Her list of things that are assumed about fat people is something I had to say “YES!” or “Exactly!” to at each listing.

For a couple of weeks now, I’ve found myself disgusted at the assumptions people make about beauty and size and the headlines that garner a “WTF?” Here’s a choice quote about Neda, the poor woman gunned down in Iraq last week, pulled from Hot Air, a conservative commentator:

The rumor — and it’s all rumor until some newspaper tracks down her family — is that she was 27 years old and a philosophy student. I hope to god this isn’t really her photo because the thought of her being so beautiful and dignified makes the murder somehow that much more obscene.

Yes, because her death would have been much more bearable and less obscene if she was ugly and undignified, whatever that means. Is this why the media fawns over the kidnapping and murders of young, pretty, white teen girls, but those deemed “ugly” by society are not worth being upset over and therefore not worth coverage? And of course ugly in society means non-white, fat, sex working, poor, etc. You get the picture.

Does anybody realize what they are saying when they repeat these tired cliches and stereotypical statements? Does anyone stop and think that by repeating the mantras of commercials or the thoughtless statements of politicos that they are marginalizing those that don’t quite conform to someone’s unproven yet oft repeated and therefore believed narrow viewpoint? Perhaps it’s time to stretch some horizons and review the world out there in all it’s truth, beauty, and glorious normalcy; a world that everyone fears so mightily but no one knows anything about. You can start here, here, and here.

Personally, I’ve always been quiet about my size because it’s widely known and experienced by bloggers that once people know you are fat, you are automatically dismissed as less intelligent and taking your ideas seriously is diminished exponentially as if for every pound you weigh up, you are allotted one tick off the intelligence scale. Which is why so many of us blog anonymously. (and don’t even get me started on the hate comments that many fat bloggers receive, especially fat women bloggers) But times are changing and it’s probably time to acknowledge that according to society’s standard of beauty, I’m fat, unacceptable, and ugly. According to society, being fat is threatening to thin livelihood and must be controlled and forcibly changed to make the privileged thin feel more comfortable. According to society, my “inability” to control my appetites makes me dangerous, sinful, selfish, and a drain on societal resources. The societal privilege of the un-fat will probably prevent them from acknowledging the assumptions behind the labels they apply. The same people who will fight for the rights of those of another skin color will not think twice about furthering false information about a self created faux science event called an “obesity epidemic.”

But despite all the evidence controverting the supposed facts, the real issue is treating people like dignified persons regardless of size, skin color, sexual preference, or by a commercially created standard of beauty.  Whether someone desires to lose weight or not, get plastic surgery or not, it shouldn’t matter as far as societal acceptance goes.  What matters is that we are normal people, period.  Can’t we finally realize how insidious hidden and subliminal messages about all this really is? Are we such sheep that we just follow dumbly along accepting all we’re told? Shouldn’t we make a concerted effort to resist it? The propaganda we so hate in other cultures and subcultures are perfectly acceptable to us at other times.

Melissa sums it up best for me and I give a hearty “amen” to that:

There are fat people—even big fat people like me—who have experienced these things. And there are thin people, and medium-sized people, who have experienced these things, too.

But it’s funny how it’s always the fat folks who seem to get the wonky chair in the movies and adverts, who are the last ones to step on the weakened floorboard before it cracks, the ones who can’t stop shoving that entire package of delicious cookies in their mouths because they’re so gosh-darn tasty.

And it’s funny how rarely we’re seen doing anything else. It’s almost as if you aren’t aware that we struggle to figure out what to be when we grow up, that we go on crappy dates, that we have shitty jobs, that we make discoveries and commit crimes, that we become presidents and stay-at-home-parents, that we’re every intersectionality one can imagine, that we are couch potatoes and athletes, that we fall in love and fuck and make babies, or not, that we are smart and dumb and nerdy and fashionable and sophisticated and mellow and all kinds of disparate and complex things. It’s almost as if you think we don’t live full, rich lives.

Exactly.

Wow, That Was Some Vacation!

No, not really, I just had to think of a title. Where’ve I been? Well, I’ve been addicted to Twitter, but don’t want to inflict my inane Twittering on you folks, so no widget in the sidebar for me. Nosiree.  I’ve been around though. Trying to read more, trying to get my shit together as they say. I’ve kind of gotten fed up with the internet sometimes because the political climate is not conducive to good debate. All I can hear is screaming from both sides and it annoys me. So, I’ve stayed out of it.

On another front, I’ve tried to keep up with wonderful blogs like Kittywampus (now on WordPress) and Figleaf, who’re both excellent sources of thoughtful thorough posts about gender issues. I’ve been thinking a lot about these things and finding some new sources through Twitter. But just today, I got a whopper of a comment to one of my posts about patriarchy over at De-conversion blog.  Somebody didn’t get their cave man Wheaties this morning! Check out EK’s comment here. He’s comment #15. I had taken a break from the internet precisely because there were Neanderthals out there just waiting to pounce. Now, I know that I don’t do my research as thoroughly as the aforementioned blogs because I’m not a professional academic, but I do have an opinion and I express my opinion whenever I have a strong one. And I usually think I’m pretty respectful of another’s opinion if they are making attempts to be fair and listen. However, this guy’s (and I assume it’s a guy with the reference to women as objects, i.e. “accompaniment” as he puts it) comments were so way out of line that I wondered if perhaps he wasn’t one of those who like to drive by and stir the pot a bit just to make people angry. Still, I’ve come to expect this type of thing.  It’s not a surprise. The level of hatred is sometimes a surprise, but the sentiment he expresses is not. It proves just what my point is in the post.

So, I realize that there will always be people out there who hate your viewpoint. There will always be people who refuse to grow up, refuse to take responsibility for their words and actions, and who refuse to be civil. They aren’t my problem. And this type of behavior isn’t just for so-called “right wingers.” I’ve seen the same hate spewing from the left and the middle and from anyone who claims to be speaking from a “cause” they feel deeply wedded to. Such anger and hatred though is not worthy of any cause. No one should be so associated with a cause that attacks on it will shred their self esteem.  I think I’ve finally come to the realization that there will always be jerks out there like EK and that we can do nothing about it. We can politely inform, we can plitely give our opinions (as EK does and has every right to do), and we can politely respond. We should expect responses from the “drive by commenters” because there are always those who won’t do the hard work of research, reading, and thinking for themselves. Like children, they are just mad because someone took their playthings (women?) away. They throw tantrums and get angry and even threaten violence, because that’s what it usually comes to with the self absorbed.

So, hopefully, freshly invigorated from lightly ‘wraslin’ a snake such as EK, I can steer you to some great posts like this, and this, and this. If the commenters can’t play nicely, then I’m sure they can find a hole to crawl back into somewhere. All this thinking surely must hurt their brains. (and don’t call me Shirley)

Time Out

I’m going on vacation and will return hopefully rested and rejuvenated. See you then.

“Spots Where Bizarre Forces Obscure Reality”

Funny, I always thought one of those spots was in my bathroom mirror! Anyway, I digress. Check out the great photos at Wired showing the Bermuda Triangle from shore and from satellite. Love it. Taken from Miami beach, the photos of the ocean make it look like a vast, alien landscape. I’ve always been afraid of the ocean at night. My family and I took a trip to Florida one year and we couldn’t wait to get our first look at the ocean.  My kids had never seen it before, so it was a real treat to get there. We arrived at night and the kids and I ran out to the beach, which was right next to our hotel, and we just stood there and soaked up all the power that emanates from it. Somehow it looks monstrously huge and sounds incredibly loud especially at night. Eerie. One of those things that make you go, “Hmmm.”

I’ll Take the Red Pill Please

I found this post at Scotteriology via Exploring Our Matrix. What an excellent analogy. The Matrix was a revolutionary movie for me. Like Fight Club it was one of the few movies that dared challenge how deeply humans are enmeshed in what we perceive as reality or what we have created for ourselves as a protective layer against the harshness of the world. Some of us are living lives pretty much on the surface of  reality, but biblical fundamentalists are buried beneath another layer called inerrancy. As a fundamentalist I felt pushed further and further back from the surface of reality as layer after layer of dogmatic belief was draped over me like blankets. The deeper one went in biblical theology according to inerrantists, the poorer the chances of ever waking up from it.

I’m not sure now what the “red pill” was for me back then. I think it was first discovering that so many different sects of Christianity interpreted the same set of scriptures in entirely different ways that set me on my way to questioning the “reality” fundamentalism claimed to construct for me. At least it got me out of a fundamentalist church. The final swallowing of the red pill was in a mythology class at university. There I discovered etiological myths. I learned that myths are so deeply ingrained in cultural consciousness that some cultures began to actually believe their own stories; those poetic stories told ’round a fire at the tribe’s center, stories about heroes and exploits of group salvation when the tribe began. These stories about gods and goddesses and supernatural phenomena, centered around the supposed origins of the world, were written down eventually and the very act of writing made them seem magically permanent somehow.

This germ of a thought opened every door for me. If I could claw my way out of the morass of inconsistent and self generating dogma that inerrancy provided, unplug myself from the “machine” of fundamentalism that was feeding me only what it wanted to make me serve it, then I could at least begin to see things clearly and make decisions closer to the surface of reality. All I had to do was handle the fear than engendered by facing the world as it was, not as fundamentalism told me it should be. Swallowing the red pill was the best thing that ever happened to me up to that point.